Declan (Special Forces: Operation Alpha) (Gold Team Book 5) by Riley Edwards & Operation Alpha

Author:Riley Edwards & Operation Alpha [Edwards, Riley]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-07-13T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter 23

My heart was thumping against my ribs, and for the first time in over ten years, I didn’t feel hollow.

For the first time, I didn’t want to be alone.

What would it feel like if I trusted him—fully and completely trust him?

He’d stayed at my house because he wanted to be close to me.

He’d follow me through the fiery pits of hell.

He was letting go of the past.

Three weeks ago he seemed pretty determined to live in the past. Something I fully understood. It was easier to spin your wheels than to face reality.

“What made you change your mind?”

“’Bout what?”

“Letting go and moving forward.”

“Thought you wanted to kiss me?”

Yeah, I wanted to do that, too, but now that I was thinking, fear had crept in. I’d lied to Declan and told him I’d never loved anyone. Since I’d never felt it with anyone else, I couldn’t be a hundred percent sure, but I was almost positive what I felt for him was love. If love was a physical ache in your belly when you weren’t with the other person. If it was gentle even when it was rough. And that got me thinking more.

“I can’t—”

“Autumn.”

“Stop snapping at me,” I snapped and he smirked. Whatever. “And stop interrupting me. What about sex?”

Declan’s eyes squinted and his body tensed. “What about it?”

In a moment of unusual embarrassment, heat hit my cheeks and I changed my mind, I didn’t want to talk about sex.

“Never mind.”

“Fearless, baby, let it all hang out. What about sex?”

“We can’t have it normal.”

“What’s normal?”

I pushed against him, needing space, but he refused to loosen his grip and my panic surged. Once again, Declan’s demeanor transformed. Gone was the alert he’d become when I brought up sex, and now standing before me was a pissed-off man, which only made my anxiety skyrocket.

“Step back.”

Shit. I hated how weak I sounded.

“Do you think I’d hurt you?”

His question didn’t register, I was trapped. Unease built and was nearing a crescendo where fight or flight would kick in. I needed him to let me go.

“Dec—”

“Answer me. Come back into this room. Into this moment. And tell me, would I ever hurt you?”

“No.”

“I can’t. You have to let me go.”

“Baby.” He softened his tone, then his hand moved to the back of my neck and his thumb pressed against my pulse point. “Touch me.”

“What?”

“Put your hands on my chest. Touch me.”

Declan wasn’t fond of my hands on him. There had been a few times when he hadn’t minded, but in general—no. And wasn’t that the root of the sex issue? I couldn’t have him on top of me and he couldn’t stand being touched.

“Just feel, baby.”

His request had me reminiscing about the first time he’d requested to me to feel. Back to our first kiss—my first kiss.

I didn’t move fast enough for Declan. I knew this when the hand not on my neck grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest.

Solid, strong, warm.

That was Declan. He’d become my touchstone. In the months before

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